our baby
We have decided that instead of having our own baby…. we will adopt….
life….but mostly death….
life is not a victory march… its a cold and broken hallelujah….
but with every kiss you breath love into me.
everyone hears their own version of the story that is my life…
but these sttories dont mean a thing cause its not true…
i climbed acoss the mountain tops and swam across the blackest oceans…
but what they dont understand that i didnt do it for them…. i did it for you…
all of our friends think that i am blessed when really my head is a mess, and nobody knows what i’ve been through… nobody not even you…
nobody understands that after i hit the floor , i’m ten again…
they all try to find some kind words to ssay , but thats all it is to me… words…
words and static…
but at least we’re okay…
life goes to waste like wine… or time,
and death may come invisible, but it’s kiss is so sweet…
oh please hold me now….
hell is coming….
is it really time to go?
death is here…
shall i die in the sunlight, or shall death find me alone in the dark?
i guess it doesn’t really matter… but if do die before you, bury me shallow so that maybe i can feel the rain….
if i beleive in that sort of thing…
death being peacful… death being a door that you walk through…
and on the other side is a warm hell, or a breezy heaven… some say there is a paradise that you walk into when you walk thhrough the door of death…
but who knows….
maybe everything that was pounded into me through the mormon church was all just a lie, so that people feel like they are in control of their own lives.. the truth is shit just happens… everything just happens, and wether it has a reason or not doesn’t fucking matter…
i guess this is how it goes: we’re born, we live, we die, it sucks, and to me… there doesn’t seem to be a point to it all….at all…..
why be born if its just going to hurt everyone close to you when you die… which is inevitable… why fucking do that to people that care about you…
but i guess i would know all about that i , see, cuz it’s like all i ever seem to do it hurt them,…make their hearts ache…. and all i can do is lie to them… and tell i’m ok… because they have enough shit to worry about…. and i mean its not like they beleive anything that i fucking say anyways…..
i don’t regret A FUCKING THING……
i am who i am… take it or leave it…
I’M HUMAN UNFORTUNATLY… GOD DAMN IT I WISH I WASN’T… I WISH I WAS YOUR CARPET OR YOUR CHILD’S PATHETIC GOLDFISH… OR YOUR PUPPY… THAT WAY YOU WOULDN’T FEEL BAD THAT YOU NEVER SEE ME, BECAUSE YET AGAIN WHEN I’M THE CARPET YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING NOTICE ME , ….IF I WAS GOLDFISH, YOU’D SHAKE ME A FEW TIMES AND MY WHOLE WORLD WOULD BE UPSIDE DOWN AND OVER BEFORE YOU COULD EVEN GET ME HOME… and that puppy…GOD EVEN THAT WOULD BE EASY… BE CUTE FOR 6 MONTHS, AND THEN LITERALLY THROWN AWAY, OR RIPPED APART FOR YOUR AMUSMENT, OR BEAT TO DEATH LIKE SO MANY OF YOU MEN DO TO YOUR WOMEN , AND SO MANY OF YOU DO TO YOUR KIDS… I COULD DO THAT… HELL I’VE BEEN BEAT BEFORE… HELL, i might actually be good at THAT….
so this is the part where i just drop the mic and walk off the stage and disappear into thin air….
good bye…. but you can’t even hear me whisper that….
